Mar 29, 2009
Life is full of transition. My life seems to always be full of changes. Hopefully the last snow of winter has fallen ushering in spring weather. Spring means I will be saying goodbye soon to this class and hello to the next. This year I am learning how to be a wife, and I feel like I fail more than I succeed. I realized today I have lived in Springfield for five years now. I will always be a Florida girl at heart but for now my feet are planted in Missouri. I have transitioned from student to teacher and I have found myself lately yearning to be a student again. As silly as it sounds I love to learn. I miss sitting in class and analyzing processes. I want to learn to paint, desperately. The practical side of me would love to take a cooking class. I want to decorate and decorate well. I want to know more about my God. I want to be a student of Him. For now, I am learning to be content. Content to wait for the Lord to move in the changes. Content to know that all things work together for good. I want to be content in my imperfections. Maybe I am too hard on myself, but I want to do it all right. And in striving to do it all right, maybe I do none of it right. I think about my learning curve of life and how many times it takes me to get it all right. I think about how disobedient I am at heart when it comes to following God's law. As I examine all these ugly realities about my own humanity, I feel a need for grace. Grace from God to allow restoration and grace given to my students and my husband when they need restoration. Maybe all the couples at church have life all figured out, and maybe they're like me, wearing a pretty dress and a pretty smile, searching for solutions. In all this transition, I wish my life had more transparency. If I saw others struggling at times, maybe I would not feel so alone. I know this in between is a season, and it too shall pass. In the mean time, I will work on being a person of grace and trust that the God who holds my hand will take care of all of life's in betweens.